Since this is my introductory post on this site, I wanted to start with a truly, utterly and completely god-awful example of vagina misuse. I didn’t have to look far. Having watched the Indiegogo pitch video for 3Fap (there’s a minute and forty four seconds of my life that I’ll never get back), I’d heard that the creator of 3Fap held a “vaginal beauty contest” in search of the perfect specimen to adorn the top his state-of-the-art masturbatory suitcase.
There’s even a website for this prestigious Vagina Contest, and in the interest of educating and enlightening the public, I subjected myself to an additional 2 minutes and 40 seconds of Brian Sloan. During that seemingly interminable span, the words “vagina” or “vaginal” were uttered 13 times. On only one of those occasions (a reference to future vaginal sleeves for the Autoblow) was the word actually used correctly. That’s a 92.3% failure rate for those of you keeping score.
For the majority of the video, Mr. Sloan was referring to external anatomy. As the name of our site proclaims: THAT’S NOT A VAGINA! A vaginal beauty contest would be challenging, requiring a clear speculum, careful lighting and some sort of insertable camera. It wouldn’t be impossible, mind you…Dizzy and Penny have both successfully vag-cammed for science. But I’m thinking there would be very few entries, and I’m not sure how folks would judge one close up image of pink mucous membrane over another.
The kicker, for me, was at the end when Mr. Sloan held up the miniature “vaginal crown” to be awarded to the first place winner.
Again I say, THAT IS NOT A VAGINA! Were this truly to be a vaginal crown, one would have to insert a pointy metal object into their orifice, and the very thought makes my knees slam shut in terror.
In case you were curious about why Mr. Sloan persistently uses anatomical terms incorrectly, it’s not due to a lack of understanding. In this article, he explains that in his expert opinion, “‘vulva’ doesn’t have the same ring to it as ‘vagina.’” It’s cool that he likes the sound of the word “vagina”, but we do hope that in the future he will use it properly. And maybe he’ll give poor, neglected “vulva” a little love too.
Note: In the interest of brevity and relevance, I have confined my critique of the VBC video to its anatomical inaccuracy. I could go on for paragraphs about its other issues: the assumption that only women have vaginas, the focus on “porn star” vulvas (small/invisible inner labia) as the ideal of beauty, the use of deli meat (!) to illustrate various labial configurations, etc. The one positive thing I will say is that steps were taken to ensure that no vulvas were posted without their owners’ permission.